


Nothing like the sun

by LittlePine



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: And I shall call him.. Eddiewise., Angst, Don't worry they don't fuck, Fix-It, Fluff, Gay Richie Tozier, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Pining, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Shakespeare, because Pennywise takes Eddie form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlePine/pseuds/LittlePine
Summary: Richie pours his feelings twice. Once to a fantasy, then to reality. He realizes real Eddie is better than anything fantasy could conjure up.First Chapter- Missing scene: After Richie's encounter with Pennywise in IT: Chapter 2, he decides to leave. Ben tries to convince him to stay and fight along with them. Pennywise messes with Richie's head in the cruelest way.Second Chapter- Post Canon fix it- Richie confesses to Eddie.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 45





	1. Fantasy

Richie marched into his room at the Derry inn and slammed the door shut behind him.

_What a fucking joke._

He was furious with himself for coming. With Mike for bringing him back here. A little reunion he can deal with. Facing his childhood nightmares all at once? He can not handle that. Not now. There aren't nearly enough pills in the world to help him forget now. What a fucking mistake. 

“God Damnit” he spat, packing his suitcase frantically and searching his phone for the next flight out of Bangor. His mind was scattered between a variety of terrible memories and panicked thoughts, as he paced around the room, staring at the blackberry screen and waiting for the travel agency site that refused to upload. 

“Come on… Come on…!!” he tapped his phone aggressively, with no use. “Shitty Derry reception.” Richie tossed the phone on the bed in a fit of rage and grunted loudly at no one in particular. “SHIT. FUCK. FUCK. THIS FUCKING PLACE! FUCK!” he landed on the bed with a thud and dropped his head to his hands. 

_I should’ve known the clown knows._ He thought, feeling heavy and sick. _I’m so fucking stupid. What else does it know? What is it going to do? Who else knows? What am I--_

His train of thought was cut by a gentle knock on the door. 

“I’m naked. I’m drunk. I’m coked out. Go away.” 

“Richie?” Ben’s soft voice pleaded from outside the door. “Please open up?”  
“No can do haystack. This mental breakdown only has room for numero uno.”  
“Please? I just want to talk. You can kick my ass if I’ll get annoying.”  
  
Richie chuckled. Ben is so unbearably sweet he couldn’t believe the guy grew up in this shitty place.  
  
“Nah, I'll probably break my femur or something trying to land one on them buns of steel. Fine. Get in.”  
Ben opened the door gently and stood by the door, his expression soft, looking directly at Richie.   
“Please do not look at me like that man. I'm getting rehab-clinic-therapist flashbacks”  
“You went to rehab?” Ben went from somber to actually sad now.  
Richie rolled his eyes. “Oh my god. Ben. What is it?”  
  
Ben’s eyes flickered between Richie and the half-packed suitcase on the bed behind him. “Please don’t leave.”  
  
“Oh, Okay!” Richie rose up, A fake cheery expression on his face. “No problemo! Now that you asked nicely, I seem to have forgotten all about the demon childhood nightmare clown who almost tore me a new one just a few minutes ago. Good Job dude! I’m ALL better now! Let’s go get ice cream!”   
“Richie…”  
“What, Ben? You’re gonna tell me I HAVE to do this? For who? This crap-ass town that never did anything for us? I mean, other than beat down and humiliate each one of us day after day? What for, Ben? What good will it do?”  
“There are kids JUST LIKE WE WERE living here, Richie!” Ben never raised his voice, and Richie isn’t sure he even can. But he did sound desperate right now, more heated than Richie had ever heard him. “Don’t those kids deserve a chance?” 

Richie grunted, growing impatient. “Dude, I’m good at exactly three things. Making comedy, jacking off, and making comedy about jacking off. Offing demon monsters is absolutely not in my skill set.” 

Ben closed his eyes, as if he needs to control his non-temper, took a deep breath and continued. “ _WE_ need it, Richie. To move on. We can’t have this… thing, memory, destroy us from the inside out anymore.”  
  
“No man, stop." Richie snapped. "Look, you and the others might feel that way, but I… Hell, I’ve got a nice thing going on back home, man. A career with gigs and fans and good fucking money and shit, maybe _you_ all need to face IT again to solve some weird trauma looming over your goddamn lives but not me, I’m good. I’m okay. I don’t need this.”  
  
Richie faced away from Ben as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, leaning against the window frame and lighting a smoke. He expected Ben to give up and turn around in the meantime, but a tiny part of him hoped he wouldn’t. 

“Then why did you come, Rich?” 

Richie stilled.

“Why did you come to Derry? What did you hope to find here?”  
  
Richie knew exactly why. But that’s not something he is willing to share with Ben anytime soon. 

When Richie didn’t answer, Ben sighed and carried on. 

“Honestly, Rich, I don’t know where all this is going, why this happened to us particularly, why we’re the ones who need to stop it, and what will happen if… _when_ we get rid of it for good. I just know that for the longest time I felt… something. Some dark, deep drawer in the depths of my soul refused to open. So I kept it closed. It weighed on me even when I were at my happiest, most successful, most fit. I thought that darkness was just too risky to touch, so I didn't. I let it sit and fester.  
When I got that call from Mike I realized I've been dancing around that dark drawer, containing my absolute worst fears. I didn't avoid it. built my life around it.  
Like... i always assumed skype business meetings were efficient, but they were just another way to isolate myself because I was afraid. I thought living alone was comfortable and cozy, but it was lonely and cold and I was still afraid. I hoped working out 4 hours a day and eating nothing but lean chicken and greens is smart and healthy, but it was just one big show to impress the ghosts of people I couldn't even remember. And always always so afraid.  
I’ll keep making those same mistakes over and over again unless I face that monster once and for all, and, well... open that dark drawer.” 

Richie puffed a cloud of smoke as he listened to Ben. He looked out the window and watched two little girls riding their bicycles in the street below. 

“I am absolutely positive you feel the same way, Rich. I know there’s something in you that refuses to truly let you be at peace unless you give it a name. And I want to be there when you do that. When _we_ do. All of us. Together. We don’t have to be alone anymore. We don’t have to be Afraid.”

Richie sighed and put out his cigarette, still not turning around, eyes glued to the window. “I’ll give it a think, Haystack. Now shouldn’t you be with the rest of your buddies at Stark Tower? What was your name again? captain-shirtless?” 

He could hear Ben chuckle. “Good to know you can still crack jokes in times like these Richie. It’s very you. Let me know if you need anything. We’re all here for you.” 

“Yeah.” 

As the door closed behind him Richie rubbed his eyes with a shaky breath. He knew Ben was right. Even if he didn’t want to admit it.

 _Heh._ Richie thought _This could all have been pretty damn funny if it weren’t so tragic._

He heard a knock on the door again. 

“Beat it Hanscom, I said I’d think about it!” 

The door creaked open despite his lashing.  
“Richie?” Eddie’s head peeked through the entrance “Can I come in?” 

Richie’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly turned around. He never could say no to Eddie. “Oh, hey Eds. Sure, hop on over.”

Eddie walked in and sat on the bed. “Thanks, man. Sorry, this day has just been… really fucking messed up, I just needed to talk to someone, you know?”

Richie snickered, leaning against the window and running a hand through his hair. “No shit. Up until a day ago my greatest concern was waking up in my own vomit the night before a big show, now I'm facing literal space monsters who want to eat my best friends whom I just remembered even existed. _Really fucking messed up_ indeed.” 

Eddie turned quiet, staring down at his palms rubbing against each other. He looked absolutely miserable. It made Richie’s heart ache.

“Eddie? You good, man?”

“Rich, could you please come sit down with me? I need to tell you something.” he spoke quietly. without looking at Richie, who now swallowed hard. “Um, Ok?” Richie sat hesitantly, worried he had done something wrong, worthy of a screaming fit from the smaller man. “What’s up?” 

Eddie instead sighed. “Richie... I know.”

Richie froze. His heart rate increasing. _Wait. No. Don’t panic Tozier, He couldn’t…. He can’t possibly mean…_

Richie laughed nervously and deflected. “About me and your mom? That’s no secret Spaghetti!”

“Shut up.” Eddie cut Richie off, and looked straight into his face with his big, big brown eyes. “I know that you’re gay.” 

Richie’s ears were ringing, his heart stopped completely. The blood in his veins turned ice cold and he couldn't breath. _Who. How._ “I… haha, I don’t know what you’re... “ He tried but stumbled on his words, tongue tied and heavy. “I...I... “ he started hyperventilating, eyes flying all across the room, searching, refusing to look at Eddie. He felt trapped and lost and wanted to cry. _Not Eddie, of all people, of all the Losers, why did it have to be Eddie._

Eddie placed a warm hand on his shoulder. “Richie, relax. Please?” Richie breathed hard through his nose as he gawked at Eddie with widened eyes, afraid to say a word. “I always knew.”

Now tears started prickling Richie's eyes. _Eddie always knew and never said anything? Every touch, every gesture, he must’ve seen right through all that. Right through him. How utterly humiliating._

“Eddie…” Richie croaked, “I’m… I’m sorry I…” 

“Please, don’t be.” Eddie leaned closer, holding Richie’s face and wiping his tears with his thumbs. “Don’t be sorry Richie. I’m glad you are.” 

Richie _tried_ not leaning into his touch. But despite his distress, Eddie's face being so close was intoxicating and unbearably inviting. “What?” 

“Richie… isn’t it obvious?”  
He paused and searched in Richie’s eyes, in what was seconds but felt like hours.  
“I love you, Richie. I want you too.” 

If Richie’s blood had frozen solid in his veins before, now it burned, coursing through his body like licking flames. “You… you do?” 

Eddie chuckled. “Yes, idiot. Why do you think I always followed you around like a little duckling? Fought with you? Laughed at your stupid jokes? I wanted you to notice me so, so bad. So bad, Richie.” 

“Oh Eds.” Richie rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, relief shooting through him. He was about to cry again. “I always noticed you, always. All the time. Even when you weren’t there. And -And when I saw you at the restaurant yesterday I just… fuck. I remembered EVERYTHING... Everything I always...“

“Richie.” Eddie tilted Richie's face up with a hand under his chib and smiled at him. “Kiss me, please?” 

“Eddie.” Richie didn’t need to be asked twice. He dove in and pressed his lips against Eddie who in turn kissed back softly. It was sweet, tender, until Eddie licked Richie’s bottom lip, encouraging him to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. 

Richie’s heart swelled, mind exploding. _This is happening. Fuck. This is really happening. Eddie is ok with this. More than ok with this._

The kiss turned passionate as their tongues explored each other’s mouths, and Eddie leaned back on the bed, pulling Richie with him. 

“Rich. Fuck.” Eddie leaned up to nip and bite Richie’s neck, every marking more eager and hungry. “I want this so much. Want you.”  
“Eds…” Richie moaned softly, sensitive to Eddie’s touch. Caressing his hair, cheek, chest. Nuzzling at his face, breathing his scent in deeply.  
“Richie.” Eddie moaned as his hand traced down Richie’s body. “I want… I want…”  
“What, baby?” Richie gazed longingly into his warm eyes. “What do you want?” 

Eddie’s hand reached Richie’s hardening length and they both gasped at the touch. “Fuck me, Richie.”  
Richie’s movements halted. “W...What?”  
“Fuck me.” Eddie started to pull on Richie’s shirt aggressively. “Fuck me Richie. Fuck me.”  
“N-Now? But... “  
“Did I stutter, Tozier? I want you now!” Eddie pulled over his own shirt and bit down on Richie’s neck hard.  
Richie hissed with pain and shoved Eddie gently “Ow! Eddie! wait, I...I do, but.. But-But our friends are outside and… we need to--”  
“We need to what?” Eddie shot him an angry look. Then his eyes saddened. “Don’t you want me, Richie?”  
“What!? Of course I do, it’s not--”  
  
Eddie got up and turned away from him. Fuck. Did Richie fuck up? He nearly fainted when heard Eddie start sobbing. 

“I-I-I thought you loved me. I thought you wanted me Richie!” His shoulders shook violently with the force of his weeping.  
  
Richie was lost, he tried to calm Eddie down and caress his shoulders. “Oh my god, Eddie, please don’t….don’t cry. I’m sorry, I just-- This is just so new and-- and--”  
  
The sobbing stopped. Eddie’s voice came out coarse and distorted now, like it was being played through a faulty amplifier.  
  
“Don’t you like me Richie? Don’t you like me like this? Slutty and willing and dirty? Is that the problem Richie? You like nice, gentle boys?”  
  
Richie paled and tore his hands off Eddie. _No._

Eddie started laughing with that same raspy voice, laughter quickly turning into terrible howling screeches. 

Richie shot up from the bed and slowly walked backwards, away from Eddie. _No. No way. You fucking didn’t. You sick asshole._ _  
_When Eddie turned around, a sickening grin decorated his face, his pupils thin lines, like a cat, dark liquid pouring out of his mouth.

_Pennywise._

“What’s the matter Richie?” it roared “You don’t wanna kiss anymore?”   
  
Disgust, terror, absolute shame washed all over Richie’s body like a harrowing tidal wave. He should be angry with the clown, he should. But he just wanted to throw himself out of the window right now. He couldn’t bear the agony of this sickening reveal. “Stay away from me you SICK FUCK!" Richie wailed at him pathetically. 

“What, you don’t like me like this?” _Eddiewise_ gestured, hands moved across his body, from head to toe. “Oh, you like ‘em helpless and delicate, don’t you?” his body shook and a horrible bone cracking sound echoed around the room, as the false-Eddie’s right hand broke into a hideous, grotesque shape. “Will you touch me now, Richie??”

Richie started screaming. Sinking to the floor and covering his eyes. He pushed himself backwards till he hit the wall behind him, crouching against the door and covering his eyes, feeling his now tear stained cheeks on his palms. He didn’t even notice he started crying again.. “NO. I’M NOT LIKE THAT. THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT… I DON’T. NO. STOP. **STOP**!”

Silence. His yelling must’ve done it. Pennywise was gone.

Richie heaved and clutched his chest, feeling absolutely wrecked, heartbroken, disgusted with himself. How foolish he had been to even dream Eddie would want him. He stupid he is to let the clown toy with his feelings like that. He should know better. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. He ran towards the window and hopped out the fire escape, not even bothering to carry out his suitcase with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1- I'M SORRY. SECOND EP IS FLUFFY I PROMISE.  
> 2- in case you missed it: this is the missing scene between Ben trying to convince Richie to stay in Derry, and Richie running away (and eventually stopping at Stan's Synagogue.)


	2. Reality

It was a pretty, clear day in Derry, Maine. The birds were chirping, the wind was blowing softly around the the tall oaks, green and lush and perfectly ripe between spring and fall. As far as the townspeople were concerned, it was just another Derry summer day, unaware that blocks away from their peaceful homes, beneath the old house on neibolt street, a chilling, devastating battle took place, almost claiming lives, and leaving the once beautiful mansion in dirty, broken shambles. 

Richie appreciated the quiet atmosphere, a strange calm after the storm of defeating pennywise, as he drove to the _kissing bridge_ , on a final mission before leaving the place for good.  
He stepped out of his red mustang, taking a deep breath. And looked over to the passenger seat. “You okay there Eduardo?” 

“Yeah Rich, you don’t need to keep asking that. It’s just a broken arm.” Eddie shut the door and walked over to Richie, who eyed his right arm, wrapped in a sturdy cast. He smiled. “Want me to sign that for you? I bet you can make a solid $50 if you sell that later on ebay.” 

“And let my coworkers think i’m a fan of yours?" Eddie scowled. "No thank you.” He looked around and turned to Richie. “Why are we here, Rich? Don’t tell me you’re getting nostalgic for this shithole."  
  
Richie huffed. “Jeez. straight to the point huh? Okay.” He leaned against the bridge railing in one last attempt to stall, tapping on the wood. “So, um. Right. I wanted to show you something. Something important. To me.” He paused, licking his lips nervously before sliding off the railing. “Yeah. Here goes.” Richie started pacing to the other side of the road, Eddie behind him. His heart thumping vigorously, eye twitching, palms sweaty. But his marching sure. He has made up his mind. There's no backing out now. 

The two men paused when Richie reached his destination, standing in front of a large, faded carving in the opposite bridge fence.  
 _R+E was_ dulled with time, but still clear. Etched into the wood and distinct in the sea of names and initials surrounding it. Richie cleared his throat. “That’s… yep. I did this. When...Then.” He couldn’t bear to look at Eddie as he spoke. "When we were thirteen."  
  
They stood in silence for a few seconds that seemed to Richie like a lifetime. With another wave of courage, he took a glimpse at Eddie, who was examining the carving intently, with squinted eyes.   
  
“Who’s E?”  
Richie froze. “What?”  
Eddie turned to the larger man. “Who was she?”

_What. the. Fuck._

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Are you serious?”  
“What, asshole? I don't remember every single fucking girl from middle school.”   
Richie pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh my god. You can’t possibly be this much of a moron.”  
“Why am I the moron now??”  
“Eddie. It’s Eddie. It’s you, dipshit. E is Eddie.”

Eddie gawked at him for a few seconds before his eyes widened. “O...Oh.” He turned back to stare at the railing.  
Richie echoed his movements, too tense to look at the stunned man while he digested this reveal. He swallowed hard and waited.  
  
A strong punch to his arm pierced the awkward silence between them. “Ow!! What the hell, Eds!?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie’s eyes were still glued to the wood carving.   
Richie rubbed his aching arm as he tried to interpret Eddie’s expression. “Um, Humiliation? Rejection? Getting my shit beat up by bowers? Take your pick, man.”   
The smaller man snapped at him. “So instead you just made horrible jokes about fucking my mother and the rest of us being lame virgins? That’s messed up dude.”  
“Give me a freaking break Eds" Richie laughed nervously "I was a dumb kid growing up in the eighties! I-I... deflected!”  
“I grew up with you, asshole, and I still stood up to my mom when you told me to!”   
Richie couldn’t believe it. “What is even going on?? Are you actually angry with me now?”   
“And then you give me this _big speech_ in the sewers about how brave I am when apparently you’re too chicken shit to tell me the truth!”  
“YES! That’s exactly why I said that! Because I AM chicken shit! Why are we fighting over this??”  
“WELL… WELL!”   
“Well what??” 

Eddie deflated, he was flustered and breathing hard as if his small body couldn’t contain all that unreasonable rage. “WELL, OKAY. YOU HAVE A POINT.” he turned back to the bridge railing, fuming.   
Richie stared at him for a few seconds, shaken. This is not how he imagined this to panning out. Not one bit.  
  
 _...Heh. This could all have been pretty damn funny if it weren’t so...  
  
_ He found that his lips had stretched into a lopsided smile, and before he knew it, a bark of laughter escaped his throat. Little giggles at first, then louder, hearty roars. Richie clutched his chest as he laughed and laughed, shoulders shaking and stomach clenching with it.   
  
Eddie was completely stunned. “What the hell are you laughing at!?”   
Richie smiled at him as his cackles calmed down, wiping a tear. “You. Us.”   
“What?”   
Richie stretched and looked into the horizon beyond the bridge, breathing deeply. “Eddie, remember Mrs. Fisher’s class? In our freshman year? Maybe the one teacher in Derry who didn't monumentally suck? She taught us that Shakespeare sonnet. “ _My Mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun…_ ?"  
Eddie blinked, caught by surprise. “...Um…?”   
  
“Sonnet 130”. Richie's gaze forward was fixed. “I remember it pretty well because it was the first time I realized the bard kicks ass. So this guy keeps talking about how the woman he loves isn’t the kind of chick to write poems about, she’s not all that good looking or impressive, her breath stinks and shit. But he loves her even more, because of that. Because she’s _real._ And how that’s better than any fantasy lady other dudes write about. _”_ He turned his head to Eddie and smiled.   
  
Eddie stared at him. “Am I the ugly woman in the scenario, Rich?”   
Richie snickered. “No, you nimrod. It’s just… This isn’t really what I planned when I took you here. It’s messy and weird and dumb and we’re yelling at each other for no reason. But it’s very us. It’s so _real_.”

They stood side by side for a few minutes, taking in the clear air and watching the wind blow through the trees.

“Do you…” Eddie spoke. “Do you still…”  
“Yes.” Richie knew what he was about to say. “I do, Eds.”

Eddie nodded. He sighed quietly and reached a hand to Richie’s. He closed his palm against his and intertwined their fingers together.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Richie turned his head to him, smiling. Eddie smiled back.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1- Sonnet 130 rules ya'll: 
> 
> My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;  
> Coral is far more red than her lips' red;  
> If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;  
> If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.  
> I have seen roses damasked, red and white,  
> But no such roses see I in her cheeks;  
> And in some perfumes is there more delight  
> Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.  
> I love to hear her speak, yet well I know  
> That music hath a far more pleasing sound;  
> I grant I never saw a goddess go;  
> My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.  
> And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare  
> As any she belied with false compare.
> 
> 2- Dumbass Eddie rights. 
> 
> 3- as promised- post canon fix it. Eddie lives. As god intended.


End file.
